


Wolves

by liveyourtemptation



Category: White Collar
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 13:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8579959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liveyourtemptation/pseuds/liveyourtemptation
Summary: Sleeping with Keller was dangerous. Neal knew this, knew that this time he was flying an inch too close to the sun. He knew that this bed might become his final resting place. Sleeping with Keller was a mistake.





	

Sleeping with Keller was dangerous. Neal knew this, knew that this time he was flying an inch too close to the sun. He knew that this bed might become his final resting place. Sleeping with Keller was a mistake.

Because it was 'Matthew' that Neal gasped into the sheets and Matthew would tread his fingers with Neal's just this side of sweet. And in the morning Neal would wake up to Matthew nestling to Neal's back sighing in his sleep. Neal learned how Matthew's hair looked all ruffled after a night of fucking, how he could lean down absently to kiss Neal before slipping into the shower, how he took his morning coffee (no sugar and too much milk).

Neal knew that he was playing too close to his heart.

But Neal couldn't stop. He told himself that it was the rush, the adrenaline, his hunger for risk. He told himself that they were both playing a con here. Could see it in Matthew's eyes over him, how he was moving pieces over the table even now. Neal just wanted to know which piece he was.

At some point Neal thought that it would protect him to be Matthew's favorite pastime but it was an illusion to think that Matthew would hesitate to remove a liability just because he liked to fuck him. They were both men who told themselves they stood above everything. They had to. If they weren't always at one hundred percent, just one second not aware and sharp and committed, they were dead.

It was what attracted Neal to Matthew in the first place. He had looked at Matthew and seen another man whose mind never stood still, moving so fast, finally someone who easily kept up with Neal's pace. Nothing to explain, they understood each other. It was terrible and exciting to be mirrored in such a cruel man.

Neal could rely on Matthew but never trust him. Though he could always tell his next move; and to Matthew letting Neal predict him was the same as trust. He tolerated him like another shark in his territory, cautious, still, like he was waiting for one wrong move.

The first nights Neal told himself he was in control, at least of himself. That he knew what he was doing. But the longer it went on – rumpled sheets in hotel rooms all over the world – he entertained the idea that even Matthew was lost in the haze. They tumbled towards each other like magnets.

Neal was not stupid, he could see the conflicted emotions on Matthew's face, how he lingered in the door, anxious, as if he wanted to say something more than goodbye. But he always stayed silent and so did Neal. What does it matter to state the obvious. When no one said it maybe they could pretend it wasn't happening.

It made Neal sick with heat to know that Matthew wanted him – more than he wanted the money and the fame. A fever took hold of Neal's mind that let his hands tremble. That maybe he was the only one to know Matthew like this, Matthew Keller, mastermind and crime lord, an ice cold storm brewing under too thin skin, a nightmare, a monster to most, a sweet dream for Neal, a careful touch and a soft voice, admiring eyes and a laugh that electrified Neal.

And they could never get enough of each other. Always showing off, trying to outsmart each other. They danced around each other, shoving and pulling, pushing borders, making place for the other just to lock them down. It was a sick ritual. They played loose and fast, stepping over bodies, leaving a trail of broken people behind them. Nothing could stop them on their run.

A glorious few month and they were still alive. Neal never thought he would survive this, Matthew's love, their games and tricks. He felt like he was going to burst, like it should rip him apart from the inside out. Together they walked through a hurricane, a natural disaster that teared down everything Neal had believed about himself and the world. And to come out at the other side, soaking wet but still breathing, was a terrifying miracle. After all he had to rebuild himself now. All his covers blown, he was stripped down to the bones, his deepest secrets for all to see.

Being away from Matthew brought a clear head and fresh air. It already felt like a lifetime ago that they roamed the streets like the wolfs they were. Only with Matthew he never pretended to be anything less than deadly.

In the end Neal had won this game. It made him feel numb to the chore. He had tamed the untamable. He had laid his head in the mouth of the lion only to be caressed by sharp teeth. He had wanted to be devoured, to be pulled apart at the seems, had longed for it, to go up in flames with Matthew. He had wanted to die in his lover's arms.

 


End file.
